Reflections at 30…

I was watching commentary about the nuclear proliferation deal the United States made with Iran and as the guest was speaking he made a comment that sparked a tangent of thoughts.

The commentator was criticizing President Obama and the 15 year life span of the agreement, saying that this doesn’t stop Iran from making a nuclear weapon, they’ll just wait it out. He said “…to Americans, who often measure life spans in increments of 4 or presidental terms, that’s a long time. But to those who measure life in generations, 10 or 15 years is just a snapshot of time.”

This comment resonated in my spirit all that morning, because too often I’ve been guilty of looking at my life in small increments; in months to at most 4 or 5 years. This way of thinking can highlight the many “mistakes” or “missteps” which are part of the life process. Thinking this way can keep us bound by fine toothing through every action or decision and judging whether it was right or wrong. It can cause people to live in pain, guilt, anger, or embarrassment rather than accepting who they really are and the path they are on.

I’ve never really stopped and looked at the totality of my life but in this process of doing so, I now have a birds eye view of pitfalls and triumphs, the mistakes and glory, the tears of joy and sorrow that have occurred in my life span.

In the last 10 years, I’ve joined the military and traveled the world. I’ve been married and divorced and out of it produced 2 beautiful children who have given me the meaning of unconditional love.

In the last 10 years I survived a suicide attempt, truly believing  I had nothing else to live for after feeling the blunt force of humiliation.

And then…

I was blessed with an opportunity to host a radio show that stretched accross the world. I’ve delivered spoken word messages to thousands of ears and open hearts, all the while delivering documentaries and events to the beautiful people that I was called to.

I’ve been handcuffed and searched countless times and saw the inside of a jail on too many occasions.

I’ve lived in one of the most beautiful cities in America and within it, have experienced the sting of homelessness.

In the last 10 years I’ve felt the gentle carress of love’s warm embrace, and also the clamp of tainted love’s teeth.

I’ve been in the presence of the most interesting and beautiful people one could ever meet, likening them to angels since they appeared but only for a snap shot in my life, but redirected the course of my journey.

I’ve also come across evil forces, attempting to physically destroy my life or the purpose I’ve been given.

I’ve lost so much dead wieght to make room for the true friends this world saw fit to bless me with.

I’ve broken hearts and have been broken in spirit.

I’ve been cussed at, cursed, and publicly degraded; but praised, uplifted, and desired in the presence of those who hated me.

I’ve sat at the feet of some of the wisest men and women this world has produced, holding onto thier every word as if it were the breath that would save a drowning child.

In the last 10 years despite the tribulations, I’ve shed more tears of joy than tears of sorrow.

I’ve had noticeable spiritual growth and development, and have learned to take heed to the voice of righteousness that steers my course.

I’m in the best physical shape of my life.

I’ve gained understanding of the world I created for myself, and I aim everyday to learn something new about someone else’s world.

If someone were to ask me “Mulemvo, who are you?” I would explain to them that I am the sum total of all of my life experiences, the people I’ve encountered, and the energies that have yet to come.

I could shed ten thousand justifiable tears, or I could stretch myself everyday to give a thousand unjustified smiles to people I may never see again. I’ve impacted so many lives for the better, but I’ve also brought challenges with me, and I’m grateful that I was given a whole 30 years to do it.

To anyone who I have encountered, whether through acquaintance or business, email or phone call, performance, airwaves, or internet blog sites, friend or family, long-term intimate partners or for an immediate mutual need, I thank you for spending a moment in time with me. Whether we meet again or not you’ve helped me grow into who I have become.

And to My Creator, who has given me life and the wisdom to protect it, thank you for this last 10 years and the entire 30.

Peace & Blessings to you all.

Here’s to another 30…
 
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