Journeying through this transition, I’ve begged, asked, and searched outside of myself for the answers to “why me?” Whether it be advice, a self-help book, or a video or whatever I could get my hands on to help make this transition easier…. information does help, but all it is information. It wasnt until I actually applied the information into my life that I saw its effect. The comfort with change grew even as the challenges grew more difficult. So the answers I was so desperately pleading for ultimately came from within me.
I correlated that to relationships in my mind. When one partner feels the need to part, instead of being fully honest often times both partners consciously emphasize the cause of the break up as an external force outside of them, to make the transition easier. The party broken up with asks why, but any answer given never fulfill what they are looking for. Even if the dissatisfied partner knows the right decision was made, they may still holds on to the guilt of the break up. What if both sides took an honest look into themselves to find the answer to both, “Why am I leaving?” or “Why is he/her leaving me?” Who ever decides to heal first can begin a cyclical and repairable relationship that can benefit both.
Even when there is an external force causing the break up, the dissatisfied partner doesn’t admit that the breaking force is stronger than the person leaving can handle. Deal breakers are usually based off of past experiences, values, or traumas, and many derive from events unspoken. Whatever the case, for both sides the force has created a wound.
But overtime wounds heal…..
Until one looks from within to find the path of forgiveness, the search is eternal. Forgiveness heals the worst of pains and has dried the most tears. Forgiveness is how to love. Forgiveness is how to grow. Forgiveness is how we heal.
After you heal yourself, heal your lover, your mother and father, heal your friends, nieghbors, and community. Love y’all….