There are times when I just want to write out my thoughts; to think on screen. Even though you could never understand the passion and the emotion fully in my words when they’re limited to just reading what I’m saying to you; as opposed to hearing my voice, looking into my face, my eyes, studying my expressions as the words from my lips are pumping life’s blood from my heart to yours….. I still feel comfortable doing it this way in the moment. It’s like my words can run so beautifully on paper, but when I attempt to think these thoughts through enough to speak them in the moment, the words just don’t seem to flow the way I want them to. It’s like my mouth hasn’t caught up to what my brain is thinking at that time so when it rolls off of my lips, it doesn’t sound the same as how I thought it.
It’s almost like a delay or a hesitation. Why is that hesitation to just say what I feel even there in the first place?
If I really considered my value or if I understand my worth in all situations that I walk in to, I should be able to express what I’m thinking in whatever way I need to so that anything in my vicinity is affected in the way I need it to be.
Far too often I devalue who I am and what I can be to make someone else feel comfortable. But why?
If I considered who I really am, I would understand that whatever comes out of my mouth, married to a relevant emotion can force you to question what you value in the first place, much less my worth to you.
I think I said what I need to say. Thank you for reading.