What Women ACTUALLY Want

MEN!!! “There is no scripture in the Bible that instructs women to love. When a woman is cared for and feels safe, she loves automatically.” – Bishop Clinton Foster

Men keep asking for a simplified answer to “What women want” but then complicate relationships when we get in them by choosing not to protect our women. All women want from a relationship is safety, security and to be loved on by her man and when you drop the ball, she’ll drop you.

In the Bible’s rendition of creation, before Eve stepped on the scene everything she needed was provided, organized, and given a name so that when she was given to Adam as a “help meet” she could immediately and effectively carry out her responsibility to help Adam be what God called him to be. When things are out of place or she feels vulnerable with out an anchor, a woman will eventually show external signs of fear. When in a relationship she will look towards the man she is with for protection. The stronger the feeling of vulnerability the stronger the sign of fear. Most men dont understand this concept and our simplistic way of thinking often generalizes our mate’s actions as “crazy,” but if we took time to stop and search deeper for the origin of her activity, more times than not she’s dealing with feeling unprotected. There’s some level of insecurity. An insecurity is simply an internalized uncomfortable feeling about a situation usually stemming from a past emotional wound . Men, on the surface it may seem that your mate is attacking you, but really she’s communicating her vulnerability. Find ways to protect her. Creative ways of protection will tether her to you more closely.

Real talk, men want protection and security too, we just take a longer span of time to figure that out along with how to effectively communicate our feelings and not feel like “sissy”. Ladies encourage your mate that it’s ok to talk to you, that you won’t perceive him differently no matter what he tells you, and that whatever he speaks stays between the two of you. No matter how you find out things good or bad, men want to know that they have someone that can “hold water” as they say. The moment you use information whether he gave he provided to you or not as a weapon to manipulate a situation, you lose.

And also ladies…. men only protect the things or people they care about. If you feel unprotected and vulnerable in your relationship its because the man you’re with doesn’t care for you as much as you think he does. To find this out come up with healthy ways to inform him that you need his protection and that you don’t feel safe. If he loves you, he will do what he can to make sure that feeling doesn’t exist from that point on. If he does nothing, accept the fact that you may not need to be together.

“Happy wife, happy life.” Find ways to add peace to your lives. Men, protect your woman’s heart and you will always keep it. Women, nuture your man’s mind and his heart will follow.

Ashamed to the Point of No Return Part 2: Spiritual Suicide

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Hello all.
Around August of last year I wrote a suicide letter to my family, friends, and the world. I was going through some extremely heavy emotional trauma that I truely believed I could not not bear any longer. I felt like everything I worked hard to set in place to provide myself stability was stripped from me. I lost a good job. I lost more money than I ever had in my life. My marriage, which was already on the rocks was failing miserably. Even after numerous attempts to rekindle an already dead flame, I acted out my unhappiness with infidelity after making up my mind that I needed to be a good husband regardless of how unhappy I was. I was honest and faithful for a time period but because I subconsciously believed that I was only good for sexual escapades I fell and cheated again. During that low period I found a sense of belonging between the legs of a woman.  But really I was ashamed. Lost. Naked. Bare.

I look back on my experience in a lifeless pit then and how I sowed so much bad seed amongst the people around me. I masqueraded like I had it all together or like I wasn’t spiraling downward slowly. I completely hid the fact that my self-esteem was so low that I put myself in situations that would have and should have never occurred if I only knew who I really was or who I would become. I disappointed so many people watching and encouraging my progress. Most importantly I let my kids down.

A few months ago I went back to  Ashamed to the Point of No Return Part 1 after a long while of fear and embarrassment and read that letter and shared it with the love of my life. After reading the whole letter, shedding a few tears, and thinking for a few seconds she said, “You know what? The man that wrote this letter IS dead.” She stopped for a few more seconds, smiled and said, “This person; the liar, the cheater, the manipulator; all those bad things the man in this letter admitted to doing isn’t the man I see in front of me. I’ve never met that man. He spiritually died and resurrected into the man of my dreams.”

I see myself completely different from the boy of last year. In less than one year, I’ve found an inner strength and beauty that cannot be moved. I walked into a “Season of Instruction” which at times is very difficult to be under; but I’m willing to accept the correction and reap the benefits of a corrected son. I’ve walked into a new type of love and happiness that’s unconditional. It cannot be taken or stripped or stolen. Despite all the material and worldly things that were given, taken, damaged, or destroyed, even as I write this, I have this inner peace that everything will work out just fine. Things lost or damaged will return; they always do. To go from wanting to escape my precious life by taking it, to accepting my faults and correcting them I have built up my self-esteem with a solid foundation with the guidance of Our Creator and leaders in my community.

The poetry, the documentaries, the television or newspaper interviews, this blog, the love you experience when you’re in my presence or hear my voice, the insight and ever growing perception of our world wouldn’t be possible had I not committed suicide last year. None of it.

Some of the painful events that happen to us are part of our life’s journey to get where we need to be. Other’s occur because of costly decisions we make in which we have no foresight of what is to come. Whatever the case know this… God has a plan for you. If you delay it by being stupid, He will force you back on His designed path until you figure out that the gifts given to you are not for your greed or what you think you want. My purpose in this life is not to be rich; if it happens so be it. My purpose is not fame or glory but if that happens, I’ll learn to handle it. My purpose on this Earth is to bring the word of God that He has for me to speak to a lost and dying people; even through my hurts, pains, mistakes, triumphs, or victories that He allows you to see in my life’s walk.

Whether through love, activism, knowledge, or correction I speak truth given with different perspectives. Whether you agree or not, offended by it or accept it, love it or walk away from it, you cannot unsee what you just saw. And I stand behind the words He’s given me to speak. Now go back and look at the catalog of poetry, blogs, quotes, or videos and tell me any untruths…. if there are i’ll correct them but I doubt you will find them.

I was recently cleaning out my bookshelf and ran across a book given as a gift from my ex-wife called Daring Greatly by Brene Brown. I’ll admit I haven’t read it yet, but I did read the cover which says, “How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent and Lead.” It spoke clearly to me now after months owning it because that during that suicide attempt I was completely vulnerable. Naked. And I allowed WordPress (although probably not the best idea at the time) to witness it. The author of this book is correct in that being vulnerable didn’t just change me, it transformed me into a new being, to the point where I refuse to go back and dig up the man I was before. I had to bury my past to get to where I’m destined to be.

I thank my past relationship for the book, it has finally been received well. I release Peace, Blessings, Prosperity over her and my beautiful children.

And thank you all for listening.

Said What I Need To Say….

There are times when I just want to write out my thoughts; to think on screen. Even though you could never understand the passion and the emotion fully in my words when they’re limited to just reading what I’m saying to you; as opposed to hearing my voice, looking into my face, my eyes, studying my expressions as the words from my lips are pumping life’s blood from my heart to yours….. I still feel comfortable doing it this way in the moment. It’s like my words can run so beautifully on paper, but when I attempt to think these thoughts through enough to speak them in the moment, the words just don’t seem to flow the way I want them to. It’s like my mouth hasn’t caught up to what my brain is thinking at that time so when it rolls off of my lips, it doesn’t sound the same as how I thought it.

It’s almost like a delay or a hesitation. Why is that hesitation to just say what I feel even there in the first place?

If I really considered my value or if I understand my worth in all situations that I walk in to, I should be able to express what I’m thinking in whatever way I need to so that anything in my vicinity is affected in the way I need it to be.

Far too often I devalue who I am and what I can be to make someone else feel comfortable. But why?

If I considered who I really am, I would understand that whatever comes out of my mouth, married to a relevant emotion can force you to question what you value in the first place, much less my worth to you.

I think I said what I need to say. Thank you for reading.