When I was your man I made you laugh. You would slightly grin at all my jokes, even the corny ones. It was kinda awkward that you made it known I could have you that early. All of you. But I tried to play it safe, you know keep it cool, so I thought; all the while my actions were showing you that I wanted you too. But more than wanting, I actually liked you, and you liked me too. We talked about dreams, our futures, our careers…. Picket fence around a 5 bedroom house with a 3 car garage and 2.5 kids.
When I was your man, you would make little gestures, or drop clues that I would pretend to not understand and play innocent for that moment. For a second, maybe even 3 minutes, I thought about what it would be like to be with this version of you forever. To spend my days with you. Chatting. You listening to me talk about whatever ideas about whatever endeavors I wanted to do or ways to make a buck because I knew you wanted someone with stability; with a plan and goals to reach for.
When I was your man, you wanted me to succeed because you knew if I made it, WE made it. You knew that if you helped me reach those dreams of mine, if you helped me with my plan towards a stable life for us, if you helped me succeed, then I would share the world with you.
When I was your man, all that mattered to me was your well being and security. All that mattered was our plans for us.
When I was your man, you would talk to me, not at me. You would make me feel desired. Like you actually wanted to be around me.
And when our bodies joined together….. it was like our skin knew well the other’s touch. Every curve. Every dimple. Every muscle. And every imperfection. The little things you did would please me so. The way you stared into my eyes me told me you loved me and that you knew I would love you until the end of time. The way you kissed me deeply let me know that you wanted to feel all of me inside of you. The way you grabbed me and pulled me into you told me that you needed me to help you release all the many hurts, disappointments, and frustrations pent up within you. Because I could not see them all that mattered to me was your satisfaction despite how I may have felt. Despite thoughts of the grass being greener or how you are supposed to look or who you are supposed to be, I loved you because you made loving you simple. There were no hoops to jump through or complicated puzzles to solve; satisfying you satisfied me. Pleasing you was my pleasure. Your release was my call to release into you. Having you come to me, needing me, wanting only me made me want to come to you, needing you, and to desire only you. We were safe in one another’s arms.
When I was your man, I would listen to you snore, and because you were resting gently in my arms it sounded like soft playing music on a rainy day with the blanket up to my chin.
When I was your man, how you saw me meant so much to me. And I wanted to be the man who you saw within me, not the man of my past mistakes. I was strong as 10 men with the the inner peace of Confucius, Jesus of Nazareth, and the Dali Lama combined, maybe with a touch of Mohandis Gandhi. I wanted so badly to be sensitive enough to be assuring and reassuring for you. I desired to be your physical rock as we both leaned on our spiritual rock.
When I was your man, I wanted to be vulnerable with you and feel a sense of protection; because relinquishing my “manhood” is such a difficult feat, I needed to know that it was safe in your hands, to keep, to hold with care and give back intact when I was ready to put it on again. Many are not worthy of it and have not seen my vulnerability, but you honored it without using it against me. Only you had the keys to my inner depth.
When I was your man, I saw a Queen. My Queen. Someone to treat royally and not take for granted. You never took my kindness for weakness, and took my anger in stride, like a Queen to her King or a wife to her husband; you fought to maintain our bond. I fought to maintain our stability. And together we fought against nations. Your victories was my victory. Your joy was my joy. Your smile made me smile. Your peace contented me.
I wanted to set standards when I was your man. I was a trailblazer, a trend and goal setter. A peacemaker. A revolutionary. A protector. I was yours.
When I was your man I saw visions of what could be; dreams I had never before dreamed, and perceptions of truth I had never before saw. The years ahead were brighter and the bond we were to share would be so much stronger. We laughed as we walked into destinies arms on a path guided by a shared intuition of love, peace, and union.
When I was your man, we had no limitations. I was a firework and you were my lovely destination awaiting my flare to brighten your vastness with my determined beauty. Many witness our embrace since all the world’s a stage.
When I was your man… I was, I Am, and I will be…