The Harm in Being A “Good Woman” Part 1

I see women who are strong, go-getters, willing to take the extra time or steps to make ends meet, get shitted on by men. I see women who, no matter what a man’s flaw, the struggle, or weakness is, she will stand by her man and work with us, even through frustration because they just desperately want us to just get “it”, whatever this illusive “it” is. Those women get pushed to the side. I see woman who are willing to talk things through and listen to our requests and make some of their own, women who are responsible and can hold her own and be proud but she; she gets dogged out.

There is an unspoken harm in being a “good woman” and there is nothing giving a man sex can do to change that. Your sex, your effort, your love, or your vulnerability will not change the maturity delay in the man of today. When I really look at it, its disheartening because all the pain you go through to be loved, the question will always remain…. is the pain really worth the trouble? Is your life effort worth someone to vibe with and love you for who you are;  being with you, grinding, struggling, journeying through,  everyday for the rest of your days? Only you can answer those questions. But a lot of “good women” are throwing in the proverbial towel saying at the end of the day, its not worth the hassle.

We see a lot of times the women that demand so much from men are the ones that get the man of their dreams, but the one that asks for nothing, who sacrifices, who waits patiently, who builds a man and rides along with them into thier destiny, they get the short end of the stick.

Message to man.
When are we as men going to stop playing games and find the value in a good woman that’s willing to give in all aspects? An understanding, humble, respectful woman? When are we going to say, “Ok, you may not be on the cover of a magazine, but you hold me down. You make me a better me.” At the end of our life fellas, who is going to be at your death bed? The chick you met at the club? The random chick who gave you her number? The hooker? The big booty dime piece that didn’t really want you, she only wanted your money or status? Or  will you want the woman that did everything to build you up? The woman who may or may not have your children but desires to? The woman that you introduced to your mom? Is she not worthy? Why wait till your death bed when we can have her now? Why is it that the value of a woman purely physical as opposed to her inner beauty? Why is it that we tend to pass up the woman that has all the attributes of a wife, but doesn’t look as good as the girl in the club with the short skirt and heels? She can probably work you in the between the sheets, but when a woman’s validation comes from sex, stop and think because she may not be emotionally stable or taught the true value of herself, and entering in a continuous relationship with her is probably going to end in your destructruction. When we mature we won’t  pass up the “wifey” for the “nightey” because we understand the “nightey” will eventually cause you more pain than the “wifey” ever wanted for you. All wifey wants is your love, your affection, your validation, your commitment, your ear, your security, your companionship, and your vulnerability.

Message to woman.
Because you ask for these things from men you will not receive them. Asking leaves the opportunity for a man to tell you “no.” Asking is like leaving an open door. You need to set standards and have clear, immovable expectations for us. Be upfront. Don’t compromise for acceptance. Don’t give in thinking he will like you. Once an expectation is set, it forces us to meet it.

In no way am I saying our immaturity is your fault. But I will say that consistently lowering your standards to be with someone is. And that isn’t gender specific. Don’t give a man the goods thinking that will keep him because it never will. There’s plenty of goods to be had and if  he isn’t willing to wait or meet the expectations you’ve set, then he doesn’t deserve your vulnerability.

If you think you are a “good woman” and feel you keep getting dogged out, looked past, or undesired to no fault of your own, consider that the problem is you. Maybe its in the men you deal with, Try meeting people in new places and enjoy new things. Or maybe try to stop searching and enjoy being alone for a while. A man with the right mind will see your value and see that you are someone he can share vulnerability with. Someone he can build with and accept him for who he is, not trying to change him. Be good to your self so that a mature person can see your goodness.

Inside Nianda Speaks

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5 thoughts on “The Harm in Being A “Good Woman” Part 1

  1. The article is very good. I am a male with probably what I believe to be a good lady. I have found this lady. But the next step is to keep her. Not just to keep her but forever so. Thats why I came across this article. However we are doing fine and have been together for 2 to 3 years now. Keep posting good news as they encourage the wise. Bless you all.

  2. I love reading what you had to say. This is something that needed to be said and then read by someone! I definitely can appreciate your optimism and your point of view. Coming from a woman that has had this happen to her, reading this gave me hope, clarity and understanding. I think its up to both men and women equally to give each other respect, admiration, and kindness. My personal opinion is that a lot of the things that go on within relationships no longer do people view as immoral decisions. How can you wake up next to somebody you love them try to do what’s right and then turn around and destroy them by not being man or woman enough to say what is needed to be said. There is a lack of common courtesy and morality amongst our generation. A lot of people don’t have old school values or cherish what they have until it’s gone or the next man or woman is looking in that direction. If we took the time to really dig deep into what we want what we need and what we feel we deserve as a person and not falter on that as you said there would be better decisions an outcome . Too many times I see women and men (especially women) that are scored or been hurt and instead of doing what’s right and trying to move forward in a positive light they take out there vindictiveness on the next man and or woman. The next thing you know it becomes a revolving cycle of hatred, anger and loss of understanding of yourself.

    Brother you have a strong mind and behind every strong man there’s a strong woman. So whom ever you are in a relationship with I definitely give props to her too because it takes a woman that has integrity, understanding, love and compassion to give responsible attention in a positive manner to a man. So props to your woman as well! Bless you both hope you’re enjoying your 4th thank you for these words it will rain strong and many people’s hearts and minds!

  3. This is great! I love how you break it down then specifically speak to each gender. This ties into your other article about women expecting too much, if anything, this blog is evidence to why women create a list of wants and desires from a man.

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