How else can I characterize the state that I’m in? How else can I describe this feeling that I feel? What other word can I use to simultaneously describe the state and the feeling? I could use financially challenged but that only implies the state not the feeling. Overwhelmed? Well that only implies the feeling not the state. The only word I can come up with that is universally known to imply both state and feeling to the situation I face is BROKE.
I wonder if whoever came up with the term knew how much more than just a feeling or a state the word “broke” speaks to. When something is broke, like a tool, it broke because you broke it. It implies a mishandling and the overwhelming guilt after you see the affects of what the break has done. I wonder how did we get this way? Where has all the money gone? Its within the dark crevice of the crack that was made when I broke the tool is where I can find the money I’ve lost.
I can also read between lines because when I say “Man I’m broke.” I haven’t said that I’m is broken… even If I may feel it sometimes when my gas tank is on low and I have to drive across town and my bank account is drained, maybe in the negative but the kids need this and the house needs that and I still have bills to pay but you know I can’t so I may throw it to the side and save it for when I can and you try to make a call and transferred to Sprint financial services department…. I feel broken, but I’m just broke.
Being broke has more optimism than poor or poverty. Being broke has a time period and a chance to get out of it. If I can just hold on to that chance. My big break. My sunshine. One of my wife’s favorite quotes is “Life isn’t about waiting for the storm to pass, its about learning how to dance in the rain.”( I’m not sure who its by but when I find out I’ll give you credit.) And in being broke I know that my break will come if I just keep on going, keep on striving for greatness.
Being broke has taught me a lot of contrasts in my outlook of life. The words “I love you” has a different meaning now that i’m broke. When I had, “I love you” being said to me was always followed with a thought of why. Why do you love me? For what I can do or the false sense of security I can provide? Now in being broke I love you is followed by the thought of why still, but more of a, when you can have anyone else but me, you still love me? Why? Maybe that’s just the insecurity of having, and then not having the tool that money is.
Money is meant to be a tool to get from point A to B more efficiently. I notice that I can get the same things done in my daily routines whether I have money or not. It’s just an added stress when I don’t have. But the way we value money now is shameful to the point where we have no idea the true value of our money other than it takes more money to buy gas than it did 15 years ago, or the cost of public transportation has gone up.
I will overcome this state weight i posses on my shoulders. This burden I have to bear for mistakes that I produced. I will bend a bit, but will not break.
4th installment of Inside Nianda. Your welcome to comment, share, like. Thanks for reading.