Are black women expecting too much from black men? From the standpoint of the Youtube video provided, HELL YES!! But I don’t think all black women think the way that computerized one does. But I do think black women have flashes of that mentality. “I’m a God fearing woman and I follow all of the Bible.” Like the male character said, what about the part that speaks about the submission to your husband? “I need a man with 6 figures…” but in the next sentence she may say she’s independent.
I do ask myself sometimes what’s really gotten into our women. But if we question our women’s intentions, we also have to question what’s gotten OUT of our black men. And I think that’s where the problem lies. It starts with us men and ends as a whole.
There’s absolutely nothing wrong with having expectations and standards. We all should have standards when it comes to looking for your life partner. But they should be reasonable. And I’m in no way saying women need to lower their standards when meeting someone, but we all should understand the difference between initial standards or moral qualities and tentative qualifications. Your initial standards can be basic things like a job, a car, education, those are things that a man should have or be working towards at least. Initial qualities are personality traits or characteristics a man should have like respect, chivalry, a sense of security, emotional stability, etc. As for tentative qualifications, these are things he may or may not have and if he doesn’t have he has the potential to gain. things like the a 6 figure salary, or the college degree, etc. These are things that don’t make the person who thy are and shouldn’t make or break involvement with that person. If one of your initial standards is a man with a 6 figure salary and you wonder why you’re single….. THE PROBLEM IS YOU!! You should reevaluate why you need a man with that type of money. And insecurity on his part because you make that much and he doesn’t shouldn’t be an excuse. No one (white, black, male, or female) with money wants to be with someone long term who’s priority has anything to do with their money. Qualifying someone by the amount of money they make to most people is a serious red flag. Especially when its a requirement you don’t have. For instance you don’t have but you require the other person to have. Most of the time when a requirement is set by the person that doesn’t have that same qualification it’s for they’re own personal gain. Financial or not. Later I plan to speak on the value of money and what it really should be in our lives.
For men, we dropped the ball and never regained it. So the idea of a good successful black man has changed to everything we have to fight long and hard to attain. That’s not an excuse. The black tax has been there since black people gained their freedom. The problem is we keep focusing on the hardship circumstance instead of accepting it and fighting forward. We are the warriors and leaders who have been demoralized into do-nothings and thugs, men who think its OK to be taken care of. Its a shame when a pimp has respect in our society. We get blinded by the cars and clothes and wanting for nothing but when you analyze the essence of what a pimp is… he (there are female pimps too but for the purpose of discussion… he) is man who is taken care of financially by a women. Black women are watching this and the downward spiral of black men and have tried their hardest to stand by us. But the opportunity arose and the conditions were set for them to pick that ball up and run with it. And they soared to new heights. Taking the proverbial ball to heights where white men have gotten. You cannot for a second knock their hussle. So you can’t knock them either for wanting to maintain the accomplishments they’ve achieved. We have got to stop crying about what we don’t have or how hard it is to meet black women’s standards and start fighting to meet them. And our women need to understand that what our white peers have we fight twice as hard and may need assistance attaining them.
This topic is just another issue that divides our families and communities. And it needs to be discussed because more and more people are saying “forget black men” or “forget black women” and interracial marriage is on the rise. Nothing is wrong with interracial relations at all. You have the right to be with anyone of your choice. But to say that black men or women will never get it together so I’m crossing over is just wrong. Because we as a people will gt it together with the help of one another. But to break each other down into a class system based on money, or education, or haves and have nots within our own people and say well I’m too good for that or I’m no good for that will keep us in the stagnate state we are in.
There are a lot of different variables that are involved in this topic and I may have missed some things when discussing it. There isn’t a one size fits all to this situation. Everyone has different reasons why they can’t land they’re life partner. I used salary as a main example but their are all kinds of reasons why this topic comes up. I’d like to hear yours and any comments you may have.
This is the 3rd installment of Inside Nianda. Please comment, share, like. If you’re not a member of WordPress and are compelled to comment, email your comment to me and I’ll post it in its entirety just leave your name and location (city and state). My email is firstname.lastname@example.org. Thanks for reading. I hope it sparks major debate and alternative thinking.