Self Theory Part 1

The more I seek to understand myself, the more I understand the people around me. (Crazy how that works.)  In analyzing my faults and thier reasonings I can identify them in other people and show them compassion because I’m not that far removed, so who am I to judge? I believe this is a piece of the message of the prophets or holy men and women of before. After you’ve realize your internal strengths and weaknesses, and can Identify them in some one else, you have a choice to make: either use that understanding for great evil, or for great good. (This theory could be the “free will” Christians speak of.)

Using your understanding for great good can create an atmosphere of healing, peace, and justice.  Conversely, using your understanding of your self and others for evil creates a plethora of destructive avenues in your mind, which when carried out inflict damage to those around you.
The damage can vary from emotional, spiritual, or economic injuries, all the way to physical death.

A Prostitute Love Thing

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Anonymously, someone that knew me from my past replied on a previous blog about my shortcomings, asking me how can I “save the Black community” when my past is filled with sex, lies, and a possible videotape. No, those were not this person’s actual words. My purpose isn’t to “save the Black community” for that is a power only Our Creator can do at this point. My former life is checkered with many disparaging events from childhood to just recently last year when I was on the verge of taking my own life. I will never deny the sins of who I was and to me that is first step of knowing who you truely are so that you can move forward with the rest of your life in a positive way. The proper question this anonymous person should have asked is how can I help the Black community? I believe I am qualified to help because the community is living in their sins right now; today. Who better to help a prostitute out of mental bondage than a former prostitute who broke free? Who better to enlighten a “trick” stop visiting prostitutes than a former “trick” who overcame that lifestyle? Who better to speak to a people dependent on the hands of the economically empowered to feed them than someone who has stepped outside of that system? Who better than I?

The Black community is replete with tricks, johns, prostitutes, pimps, pushers, and slaves to an economic system that persistently relegates them to begging, stealing, and inflicting damage on one another in order to get the scraps left behind by the white majority. You have relegated yourselves to never biting the hand that feeds you, but you will willingly and without question turn your back on our bruthas or sistahs who are in the same economic quicksand as you are just to get ahead. We speak of Black people having a “crabs in a bucket” mentality but no one ever breaks it down practically, so most of us think, “Well that’s not me…” But contrary to popular belief, it is you.

We quickly think of the crimes committed in our communities as the entities destroying our existence and yes, the dealers and pimps play a part, but what about you, the common man or woman? What role do you play in keeping us in a subservient position? If you are not part of the solution, you are part of the problem.

There are elders in our communities who are still holding on to gaining power, or trying to lead our community out of this condition when the truth is, if you would’ve had the answer you would have figured it out 30 or 40 years ago. Since you don’t your task now is to teach us young men and women who have the passion and strength to get things done; guide us with your mistakes so that we won’t waste our efforts on doing the same things. Ask Japanese auto makers how they were able to posses the auto industry and they will tell you their concentration was reducing the delays in manufacturing or streamlining processes to make them more efficient. Our elders need to take the same approach for the betterment of all. They see young activists in the streets hustling, bustling, moving, shaking, speaking, and wearing ourselves thin to the point where we lose that passion. Our elders see this and refuse to pull us to the side and give advice on more effective ways to empower our people out of bondage. Our elders need to understand that they may not posses the promise land with us, but they can streamline the young soldiers approach to getting there; pass on your legacy of knowledge instead of debt, ignorance, and a constant desire for more power. 

With so much economic disparity in the Black community one must understand that the American institution is not designed for Black people to attain wealth. We started this game with nothing, so why do expect the inventors of the game to allow us to be thier equal. Yes, there are few that came to this country and set up homes and land before the mass influx of African slaves entered in. But the purpose of bringing Africans to this country was purely for the colony’s economic advancement. In the Constitution we are 3/5 human beings. Cattle. Property. Inferior. Imagine your wonder if your dog came to you, speaking your language and said “I want my freedom. I’m done feeding your entertainment needs.” White people of the establishment look at us as inferior and still do because the mentality that has journeyed through generations is that we are not and never will be their equal. And with this mentality, you have been conditioned to be dependant on the establishment for your basic needs. A few of us with exceptional talents can break the mold and receive larger “rations and tokens” than the common Black man or woman, but for the most part the majority of Black people are fighting, looting, and killing for scraps; just as your master trained you to do.

A lot of us grew up on Government Assistance so I won’t completely knock what it did for Black people here in America, but the vast majority of our people see this as a means to sustain themselves and families, which it isn’t designed tho do. We accept the EBT but then don’t ask where this “money” is coming from. Who cares its free money right? Wrong! It comes from the very hand that you are unwilling to bite and because they know you need it, Federal and State governments pass laws, lock up our men, and patrol our streets with military might and keep you patronizing the grocery stores they select and you better not say a word, or “We will cut your EBT!”

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Our people are in a perpetual state of debt that keeps us at odds with one another. The economic gap between us and other ethnicities is ridiculous but we don’t correlate this to the divide and conquer mentality that has been used on populations for centuries to keep power among the few. If the government can keep us divided by lack you don’t mind selling drugs to a brutha or sistah to put more in your pocket. If the government can keep us divided by lack you don’t mind our Black bruthas being in life long debt to child support, or burdened by incarceration and unemployment. If you the government keeps us divided by lack you don’t mind pimping a Black woman and degrading her to make up the difference so you can look good in your neighborhoods. If the government keeps us divided by lack when they throw money or status in our faces we salivate at the opportunity no matter who you have to sleep with, defame, or take from regardless if the action you participate in will have lasting effects on those you choose to inflict for your “self preservation.” You don’t mind. We don’t mind. This mentality of “I don’t mind” has even infiltrated the non-profit sector where you have organizations who are supposed to be about the people fighting one another to get Federal grant money. I’ve seen people fall out over this My Brother’s Keeper Initiative when its calling for organizations to come together. But we are slaves to money and all want a “piece of the pie.”

If you don’t mind being in bondage to a monetary system that is empathetic to your needs you are in fact a prostitute. You are in fact being pimped because you have no control of your own mind, you do what the entity controlling the money demands that you do.

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I’ve heard women brag about how much child support the father of their children owes them…. How sick is that? Child support is not the lottery and if a man owes you $75,000 it’s probably because he’s in the same economic deprivation that you are, and you will never get it. Foolish woman, that relegates you to a prostitute because you are dependent on someone else’s finances for your own gain. That’s just like the Basketball Wives, dependant on the fame and fortune of their exes. Spend time focusing on knowing yourself, finding your own, and bettering your children, not perpetuating a legacy of debt for your children. We should be rebuilding family structures and working together to create mutually beneficial environments for Black men, women, and children. Just a side note on child support… there are fathers out there who desire their children and for whatever reason, their lack of income drives a woman’s passion to keep them from their children. Again, this prostitute mentality is sick and in due time the truth always comes out. Hold your head up brutha and let love shine, eventually it will overshadow her hatred.

The only thing that can stop our destruction at this point is unity. And it takes love to unite with one another. If we teach our children that under no circumstance can you inflict damage on another Black human being, we will start to see a change in the way we think about our ourselves, our conditions, and our dependency on a government who does not have your best interest at heart. Black people need to understand that you are a liability to State and Federal governments. Why would an oppressor give you what you need to be independent from his oppression? That does not benefit it’s self preservation.

You don’t have to a be prostitute, criminal, child support encourager, thief, pimp, or take any of these positions, you choose to because of the conditions you may be currently in. With a prostitute mentality when you are in financial lack you will do what it takes to ease the burden even if it means degrading your true self to get the scraps you feel you deserve. But step outside of the economic system that fosters your oppression and you will see that’s not necessary. You’ve been taught to be and live as inferior and that will not change overnight. Being dependent on someone else to hand feed us has been deeply embedded in the Black mind for generations, but it’s now time for us to stop asking and begging. Start taking and empowering our people to love one another as Our Creator designed us to. 

Unity is the only way out of this. Just do it.

The Irrelevance of the (Black) Church Revisited

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If I get in trouble so be it. I’m sure I won’t. The fact is Black Christian churches have failed it’s people and a young mind needs to address it. Why not I? The reason for the failure of the Black Christian Church has many different facets. There is no one stop solution to the problem because this failure has permeated so many different areas for such a long time it is deeply embedded in our everyday lives. The issues are a web of interrelated problems that effect and feed one another and it’s almost sickening to see that it has gotten to this point….I’ll just get to it.

Currently Black churches are failing to engage the intellect or spirituality of the Black mind. Yes, authentic Blackness naturally embodies an unmatched spirituality that is so rich, people from all walks envy us when they see it. Blackness is the essence of what spirituality is but uncultivated within the churches it has been reduced to stagnation. Sadly, most Black Christian leaders are not concerned with its member’s spiritual elevation as much as they’re concerned with being seen or the business of the institution. Have you asked yourself why the need for 2 or 3 churches on every block in our neighborhoods? Why do some churches bust out credit card machines during offering time? Why does it feel like you’ve entered an auction block when they call for tithes and offering? Why can you envision your pastor as a “sho nuff” pimp prior to his being “saved”? Probably because he was…. and probably still is as a second income.

Now before I go further I’ll say that I am not referring to all of clergy, lay members or churches. I have met and engaged people who are spiritual and understand the power of having a real relationship with Our Creator. The truth is the overwhelming majority of Black people have no idea what spirituality even looks like and have not been under the proper leadership to know how to attain it. There is a large population of Black people who are emotionally, spiritually, and financially illiterate. There are congregations of Black people who do not know their tithes pay for their pastor and first lady to pick up his illegitimate children in his 760i BMW. The vast majority of Black congregations don’t see themselves as hoes, but ask a prostitute if she sees herself as a hoe or a business woman and I’m sure she would pick the latter. Regardless of how you make your money, most people wouldn’t willingly attribute a negative connotation to themselves unless they were mentally conditioned to. Enter the pimp….

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Church is a multimillion dollar industry. It’s a no brainier for a logical thinker to see how easily a former pusher, pimp, or ex-con can declare his (or her) life has changed, and with charisma and superior verbal skills “can sell water to a fish,” one can make the transition to lead the mentally deprived. It’s mind-blowing to me how Black people turn their noses up at gang members saying they’re destroying Black neighborhoods with their drugs but willing to physically confront some one for disrespecting their pastor while their pastor is destroying their minds and taking their rent money. Black folk have been blinded by “sowing seeds” that they can’t even cogitate your tithe is not a tenth of your income when you’re in a persistent survival mentality. Every penny of your household is needed when you’re behind on your bills or you can’t get a job or your rent is due. The myth of “If you don’t have enough to pay that bill sow it as a seed” is a placebo effect used to encourage one to believe their condition will change. It’s like unknowingly taking a sugar pill for your depression and you feel happier in an hour. In reality you believe you are happier and because I just charged you $60 for the bottle of “depression medication” that shit better work!

Another reason that Black churches are failing to effectively nurture Black spirituality because we do not associate historically or culturally with of Christianity. Most of Black America does not identify with the lost children of Israel. We hear the stories of Moses, Samson, Elisha, Jesus and his disciples; we can even go back to Genesis with Adam & Eve and the story of creation. Again we hear them, read them, tell our children these stories, but when it boils down to it, the people you perceive when you read The Bible look nothing like you in your mind. When you visualize the prophets, the kings, the holy men and women that are in The Bible most of the time you see white people, if not an Arab. My question to you reader is: If The Bible in which you read out of on Sunday is not culturally relevant to you then why is it the only reference you use to conduct yourself or solve problems in your Black life experience?

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How is it that we can read Greek mythology and call it mythology or fairy tales, but then read The Bible and say it is actual fact or that these events actually took place without any historical to support either claim? Now, there are great stories and lessons to be learned from Biblical scripture. Stories like Samson’s physical strength but co-dependency issues, Gideon being a “mighty man of valor”, Noah and the Great Flood, Joseph being sold by his brothers and enduring much pain to then become a great leader, the list goes on. These stories have profound depth and underlying meanings that all can take note of. But so does the Maya and Inca Native Americans. Kemet has a stories that speak to the Black man and woman, as does Egyptian mythology also, the descendants of Kemet. There are spritually advanced cultures that pre-date the accounts in the Bible by thousands of years. Is it not fair to imply that The Bible mimicked these ancient cultures? Why are other cultural accounts of reality just stories to you, but Biblical accounts, who you don’t culturally identify with, are as real as the screen you’re reading this from? You reader, if you are a Black Christian need to critically ponder where you received this doctrine from and why it was given to you. What purpose did Christianity serve us when we were a spiritual people long before the Catholic Church and Christianity came to the shores of our continent? Think.

Black Christian churches also have failed to advocate for the increasing needs of a hurting people. A hot meal for the homeless is commendable, but that’s like putting an Ace bandage on an amputated appendage blown away from an IED… it won’t do much. The Black church of the past, despite the origin of it’s doctrines, was once the go to for all things Black. From information, to protection, maybe financial assistance, or community organization; all this you could find the Black Christian church’s hand in somewhere. Black people have replaced their yearning for Jesus with the desired hands of “Government Assistance” for their fixes so that the church of today is now relegated to a joke. Its turned into a social club people attend to get emotional releases and mask their contempt for the people inside them; like a sexually unfulfilled wife. Members come in and go out, numb to the very real needs of the visitors that walk in the doors. And one cannot blame the flock, for membership reflects their leadership. If the members lack discernment you can guarantee the leadership isn’t serving properly. You can also guess that the hospital they call the church has a high mortality rate, which affects the finances the pastor wants to pay his Mercedes car note, which affects moral, which affects spiritual growth of the congregation.

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Black people across the world are in pain, and presenting the power of Jesus Christ without the benefit of actively implementing his teachings is worthless to the dying soul. There is power in any name when the message is clear and it’s methods are used properly. Black churches are not teaching Jesus’ message; they’re being force fed who he was which is completely different.

 

Message to Leadership

For a leader to effectively see the manifestation of an idea you must start with where your people are currently. Despite how great the body of your message or the hooping in hollering they fake while you’re delivering it, when they walk out those doors and enter back into their lives, Black people can’t fathom the validity of what you just said because they have to deal with the very real and current harsh reality of the Black experience, and it’s difficult to tackle this with an ill-equipped surface doctrine, or a doctrine that doesn’t speak to us culturally or historically. The church is not speaking to the times we are in. How do you pastor, conceive a 30 minute irrelevant message competing with the allure of YouTube, Real Housewives of where ever they are now, or Facebook 6 days out of the week? You have not engaged young people experiencing the “fast life” on an Ecstasy induced roller coaster ride, or their parents who are twerking and drinking with them to drown out their failures and misfortune. Single parent households have sky rocketed, unemployment in our community is well above the national “average”, and our music today might as well be featured in pornography soundtracks. What are you going to do about it? Keep feeding the same message or actively get involved?

 

Message to Lay Membership

Knowing who and what is the first step to changing anything and because most of us suffer from a lack of identity, start with yourselves before you point fingers externally. You may say “I know who I am…” but truth be told, you don’t. Just be real and ask yourself what influences your everyday decisions. Most likely it’s not you. Time restraints, jobs, kids, spouse, money, education; all of these dictate our decisions before we consider ourselves or God most of the time. If it’s not you calling the shots it needs to become you in conjunction with your relationship to Our Father.

After we understand and are real about who we are, then we can think of ourselves as a whole. A Black whole. If you “have it all together” and know who you are that’s cool, but you’re only as strong as the weakest link in the collective. And our people are hurting. Our people are in pain. Your brothers are literally being killed without reason, for no excuse. Of course as a human being that can’t sit well with you. You can’t expect to effect change around the world, but you can effectively change your world or circle of influence. Start within your church by injecting positive feelings in those lay members around you. Love, as Jesus loved. Serve, as Jesus served. Smile at another brother or sister just because they look like you. Recognize the God in them as it permeates through you. Start there, and I promise you not only will you feel good about you but the people around you will feel good about themselves and as a consequence, your world will change.

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This principle is beyond the tangible things this world offers. Lack of money, unemployment, lack of basic needs will change as you start to change. As you change the way you think and interact with people you will build relationships that will supply your needs, like a family; when one suffers we all suffer. When one achieves we all advance. Forget about the hurts and pains and lack. Think of the relationships you can build by just greeting another Black man or woman respectfully and using the gifts God has instilled in you to empower them. It will go farther than you think.

Lastly, hold your leadership accountable, respectfully. Humans can only do what we have the knowledge and understanding to do in that moment. Once we are given more than we’re accountable to serve more. Understand your leaders aren’t to be put on pedestals because they can fall just like you can. They have issues just like you do, if not worse… If you’re under leadership that doesn’t effectively lead you don’t be afraid to walk away from it. It’s your spirituality and progress at stake. It’s useless traditions and the individualist mentality that have destroyed Black people. We are not made to be individuals. We were also made to be consistently evolving. Holding on to unneeded tradition and isolation destroys progress.

 

Conclusion

I’m sure I’ve angered some, but I pray that you critically think about how and where you worship. I believe all spirituality can be a beautiful experience regardless of what culture it originated from. We as Black people must accept our own understanding of what being spiritual is. I too am on a never ending quest to build my relationship with God and I’m finding that there is no one universal way. God just wants to love you and shower His love on you so you can shower the love He fills you with on the people around you. It’s just that simple. You just have to believe that it isn’t a sugar pill….God bless.

In Me

Random Rant

I look at my generation of Blackness and I see a people stagnated by ignorance and emotional illiteracy. I see a people who cannot see more than 2 days in front of them; no concern of future endeavours or how to get there. I see a people struggling to provide the basic of necessities, and a hope tied to our previous generations teachings of depending on government handouts and immediate pleasure. I see all these things. I see them and have not experienced the revelation on how to go about helping them solve these issues besides love and understanding. Love can conquer our hurts, our lack, our pain, and our need to be fulfilled. Until we learn how to legitimately love ourselves, not superficially, but passionately making an effort to look into ourselves and deal with the hurts and pains of our current reality we will continue down this path to our self deterioration.

We live in a world with so many of us medicated it’s unbelievable. Ask yourself why you get such a release from shopping, or sex, or prescription medication, or cigarettes, or eating, or whatever your personal vice is. What do you need that release for? Ask yourself why the weekend is so hungrily sought after in American culture. Why is there such an insatiable thirst for public drunkenness and ear shattering music in our streets, clubs, and social events? 

Our people want to feel numb from their life experiences. Blackness is sought after by people who do not share the experience of what Blackness feels like. We struggle. We overcome rarely. We seek and aren’t found. We hurt and aren’t comforted. We hunger and are not fed. We thirst and are given vinegar to drink. We cry out and are given superficial remedies that don’t fix anything but do increase the size of the pockets of the people who greedily maintain a “have” status. Keep your money. Searching for money only adds to the pain we experience. You can have the world to live on and still have nothing to live for. What you seek is not in finances. You cannot find what you need in EBT and it will not come from the hand of a government entity. 

What we seek we constantly experience, but you feel as though it’s not yours because you give it away to any and everything that asks for it. What you seek can be so easily experienced that we completely miss it because it’s that easy. What you want will not come from external forces. It’s inside you.

Until you realize that an internal connection with yourself is what you’re searching for, you’ll never be whole. It has been said in so many different ways that our heads are spinning trying to figure this out but in actuality, it’s a connection to yourself that you seek and never find. The ability to comfort one’s self; feed one’s self; quench one’s self; be one’s self. What we seek we cannot find until we have time with one’s self.

There is no time better than personal struggle to sit in silence and figure out who you are. Adversity will squeeze out of you the very thing you’ve been searching for, which is you. Love you for who you are and the world around you will be affected by your vibration. 

I’m realizing how to love me in this season of my life; and it feels damn good…..

Addict

Sex.
As an act to fill voids in a man’s heart it never satisfies.
It’s used
Then abused
Then confused as a tool to ratify the hurts and pains of a fucked up childhood.
The damage was done.
The damage was fun for a little while.
A little smile crept over my face even though I cant retrace it.
Innocence is shattered so I use you to replace it cuz at no other time can I be this vulnerable….
You see me.
All of me.
Taking in the funk of our passion.
Within our interaction you can feel what’s on my mind.
Within this satisfaction you can read between my lines if you look deep enough……
You choose not to.
Determining if this is where I ought to be.
Pulling you closer but inside my mind saying “get off a me.”
Your scent lingers on top a me until I wash you clean
Like the memories and dreams and visions hearing you scream….
I wanna forget this moment, but I keep going back to it…..
Addict.

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